Feeling Guilty After Loss

***Text version only. Originally appeared on ForGrief.com.***

Our Passed and Present conversation series brings together experts in the grief space to share their knowledge and answer your questions about life after loss. Our event with Dr. BJ Miller, palliative medicine physician and co-founder of Mettle Health, and Allison Gilbert, author of numerous books, including Passed and Present: Keeping Memories of Loved Ones Alive, focused on the topic of guilt. 

Guilt over things you wish you would have done

During the discussion with Allison Gilbert, Dr. Miller emphasized how normal it is to feel guilty after the loss of a loved one. “Just being sad is really hard,” he noted. “Something in us says ‘I’d rather hate myself’ than just be sad.” The takeaway from Dr. Miller is clear: Be wary of how you  frame your emotions, especially guilt. Take a moment for yourself, with space and quiet, to truly assess your state of mind. If you decide that you might need the support of a professional, know that seeking help is a sign of strength not weakness. This hotline is open 24/7 for anyone who needs assistance. 

Guilt when experiencing happiness 

If after your loved one dies, you catch yourself in a moment of joy and begin to feel guilty because you’re “supposed” to be sad, author Allison Gilbert suggested remembering this simple yet vital word: “And.” She encourages individuals to grieve AND find joy. Both paths are valid, she said. “You can look to the future with optimism and that does not discount your sadness,” Gilbert said. 

Watch their entire conversation here. 

The Passed and Present conversation series is named after Allison Gilbert’s book Passed and Present: Keeping Memories of Loved Ones Alive. We invite you to watch recordings of our previous Passed and Present events here. And please take a moment to join our private Facebook Group. Talking about loss has the capacity to help us heal. Request to join here. 

Demonstrators support drag queen story time

***Text version only. Originally appeared on mhpbooks.com.***

A children’s bookshop in Waterville, Maine, recently decided to host an event featuring two books about inclusion and the idea made people angry. You may be thinking, “Who could have a problem teaching children about inclusion?!” Allow me to explain.

Some background: Children’s Book Cellar wanted to host a children’s book reading with a drag queen as part of the 2019 Central Maine Pride Festival. A Shelf Awareness story on May 14th provided powerful quotes from the Waterville Mayor, Nick Isgro, and Children’s Book Cellar store owner, Ellen Richmond. Isgro is quoted saying that the event is “scandalizing the children in our community—trying to make us San Francisco,” while Richmond defends the event, saying: “I’m not inviting pedophiles in to pet little children. I have one man coming in dressed as a woman to read stories to children, and then we’re going to make wands and crowns.”

There were many more angry posts on the internet that could take up weeks of my mobies, because people on the internet love to battle (shoutout to Peter Daou’s Digital Civil War) but I will instead move forward with details from the actual event. 

Despite all the fuss, the reading did occur on Saturday, June 1. Fifty people attended the reading with drag queen Ophelia Johnson. Portland Press Herald covered the event and noted about 100 additional people were outside the event showing support or protesting the event. The article quotes one of the protesters saying,

I find it wrong and immoral to bring little kids and to bring them into such a situation where little kids are exposed to what is considered sexuality … They’re too young to be knowing that is going on. The whole LGBTQ thing are pushing their narrative way too much, and somebody’s got to push back once in a while.

I applaud the Portland Press Herald for also noting that this protester was a member of the protest cluster calling themselves “An End to Child Indoctrination at the Cellar Bookstore,” which the Herald describes as a much smaller group across the street. Emphasis on “much smaller group.”

I want people to read this post and understand that there was more support for this event than opposition. There were 50 people in store, about 100 people on the streets and a much smaller group of a protesters. If you’re a bookseller or a librarian looking to host an event similar to this, don’t be intimidated by this much smaller group! If you’re a concerned citizen that wants to promote diversity, don’t be intimidated by this much smaller group! Thank you to Ellen Richmond at Children’s Book Cellar and all the people that attended and supported this important event, and Happy Pride Month!

Journey to Pipsqueak Productions

***Text version only. Originally appeared on PipsqueakProductions.com.***

Pipsqueak Productions’ founder and artist Mary Badenhop shares her behind the scenes stories in the Pipsqueak Blog series “Journey to Pipsqueak Productions.” Follow our weekly interviews to discover the history of Mary as an artist and a business owner. 

Mary started thinking about her career and what she wanted to do with her life when she was only five years old. She recalls the people she looked up to at that age and how they impacted her career path. Her parents were her greatest influences. Her dad founded and ran his own construction company. He was a builder and he designed the homes. Mary smiled fondly when she described watching her father design a new building on his huge drawing board. She used to sneak into his office and run a make believe company using his old metal rolodex, which held all of her imaginary clients, and work with numbers on his tossed-out green ledger paper.

Mary also attributes her creative nature to her mom. Her mom was a fabulous home decorator. Holidays were a particularly fun time for Mary and her mom. Together they would make the house look festive and also make greeting cards for friends and other family members. When there weren't any holidays coming up, Mary and her Mom would do other crafty projects like making macaroni pictures. Mary's interest in art continued to flourish in school as well. Her kindergarten teacher was a creative person and one of the people Mary looked up to. Mary remembers, 

I loved to watch her paint and play the piano–so I decided that I wanted to be in my own business, draw and play the piano, at the age of five. It made me so happy inside. I had a goal.

It wasn't until her early teens, however, that Mary applied this creativity to fashion. In high school she started to draw seriously and was preparing her portfolio to become a fashion illustrator. Mary's talent was noticed and she was invited to attend the Fashion Institute of Technology in New York City. It was a dream of Mary's to live in the city as a fashion illustrator and her artistry and hard work enabled her to start working immediately in the fashion field after graduation. In just a few years, she had over 30 accounts ranging from advertising agencies and buying offices to department stores and showrooms.

Mary was Bloomingdale's exclusive Children's illustrator, designing ads for 5 years. Mary illustrated for Bloomingdale’s, Avon, Wrangler and Burlington Mills, and many more. Her favorite memories of this time include seeing her art in The New York Times or a fashion magazine and living in her studio apartment on Madison Avenue and 68th Street–she was in heart of the fashion scene.

Mother’s Day Gift Guide

***Text version only. Originally appeared on mhpbooks.com.***

What better way to say, “Hey Mom, I appreciate you” than a book? We are a little biased, but fully believe that books are the best gifts. Bonus: Mom might pass the books on to you after she’s done reading. These are the books we think will bring out a joyous sparkle in your mom’s eyes:

The Feminism Lives! Bundle—Sady Doyle and Jessa Crispin are two of the most urgent and admired voices in feminism today. Their two books, bundled at $22, offer a terrific breadth of feminist thought, and some of the smartest, funniest, most trenchant criticism out there. All the yes. Save $11.

The Art of the Novella Subscription Series—Every month, we select two titles from our award-winning series and send them to you in either print or digital (Kindle, EPUB, or PDF) form—or both, if you so choose.

Julia Child: The Last Interview—follows the life of the beloved chef. In this volume of carefully selected interviews, Child’s charm, guile, and no-nonsense advice are on full, irresistibly delicious display. Perfect for aspiring home chefs, francophiles, foodies and the food network-obsessed. Our friends at Powerhouse Books even added it to their Mother’s Day display.

The Mueller Report—because a writer for The Cut recently speculated that Mueller Report sales could be attributed to Father’s Day sales. Umm.. Father’s Day is in June and mothers like to read about the investigation into Russian interference in the 2016 presidential election too! Who buys gifts that far ahead of time anyways? Certainly not you, reader, since Mother’s Day is only a few days away and here you are looking at a gift guide.

I Would Prefer Not To tote—for all the moms that think Mother’s Day is a silly Hallmark holiday and would prefer not to celebrate. Help them protest the holiday in fashion.

A Hemingway lookalike contest that would make Papa proud

***Text version only. Originally appeared on mhpbooks.com.***

Gentlemen, start growing out your beards now for next year’s Ernest Hemingway lookalike contest, hosted annually in Key West according to WPTV. This year, over 100 Hemingway fanatics participated in the lookalike contest, which is on its 39th year. The contest is held at Sloppy Joe’s Bar, one of Hemingway’s favorite places to hang out while living in Key West. This year’s winner has been participating for 8 years, waiting for his shining moment. The love doesn’t end there. There’s actually a whole society of Hemingway lookalikes and you can visit their website here: https://www.papalookalikes.com. Note that I did not hyperlink that link and it’s not because I am technologically challenged, but because the website name made me chuckle.

Before you judge the society for the uncommon hobby that brings them together, check out this paragraph from their about page:

The Hemingway Look-Alike Society is much more than a bunch of “portly gray bearded old men.”  Several years ago the society sought a way to honor the name of Ernest Hemingway while at the same time seeking a higher purpose for this wonderful group of bearded men who gather together every July.  Thus the Hemingway Look-Alike Scholarship program was developed to provide students attending Florida Keys Community College a helping hand.

If you’re considering competing in the contest and need some help getting into character, I suggest Ernesto: The Untold Story of Hemingway in Revolutionary Cuba by Andrew Feldman or Ernest Hemingway: The Last Interview and Other Conversations.

If you think the whole competition is ridiculous, I recommend the same books because they are great reads.